In the 71st session of the Queen's Model Parliament, we were given the opportunity to propose, debate, and then vote on legislation that we had crafted in the weeks running up to our sitting in the House of Commons. While there were many complex issues tackled in the bills by all MPs, there were also some interesting concoctions. As a Liberal Party delegate, I took to the task of reading over the Opposition's bills. The NDP wanted to invest in our future by nationalizing Elon Musk, weaponizing livestock in order to leave Canadian soil well-guarded, and creating a Death Star of our own. I wasn't on board.
This was my response:
This was my response:
Thank you, Mr. Speaker,
Mr. Speaker, I believe that the honourable members of the Opposition who have put forward this bill are nothing but well-intentioned and, at heart, want what is best for Canada. Unfortunately, Mr. Speaker, this does not erase the fact that this bill is #problematic and #contains countless errors and contradictions.
Granted the Defensive, Economic, Agriculture Treaty to Help Society Transition to an Atmospheric Residence Act is not all bad. I, for one, also believe that it is the inherent right of every Canadian citizen to live in a nation which has successfully nationalized Elon Musk.
However, the Defensive, Economic, Agriculture Treaty to Help Society Transition to an Atmospheric Residence Act, if put into place, will not lead to the positive results that the honourable members of the Opposition are touting.
A major component of this bill relies on the cruel and unjust treatment of animals. This bill seeks to use livestock in order to leave the Territory of Canada on Earth “under control of the weaponized livestock once the human population has left,” with a key focus on weaponized sheep.
Mr. Speaker, please allow me to drop a truth bomb or rather a truth space laser. According to Statistics Canada, most major populations of Canadian livestock are in fact decreasing in number. This raises the question of how the proposed legislation for the weaponization of sheep and cattle, which are at their lowest levels since January of 1993 and shrinking each year, will be sustained. Once again, the NDP has shown Canadians that it has not done its math. Will Canadians current and of generations to come be forced to give up their hard-earned tax dollars towards the breeding of sheep for weaponization in a potential state of intergalactic war?
This bill also advocates for additional tax dollars to be used for the weaponization of space with “kinetic weaponry, magnetic weaponry, and rockets” and accommodations for up to 60 million personnel on the space station. If the acronym for this bill’s name was not clear enough, Mr. Speaker, allow me to clarify. If this bill is enacted, the answer to the question “Why did Canada cross the road?” will be “To get to the Dark Side”. This bill will make us the enemy of the universe and neither Luke Skywalker, Captain Kirk, nor Doctor Who will not be there to save us.
Mr. Speaker, I must admit that I see the reasons for moving Canada off of planet Earth. I myself considered leaving Earth what with Donald Trump and the shutdown of Vine (which the government will soon successfully bring back thanks to my party's Baker Lake bill). But I cannot, in good judgement, support this proposed bill with all its glaring issues.
In all seriousness, taking part in Queen's Model Parliament was truly an honour. I still look back at the hundreds of pictures and videos I took while in Ottawa that weekend and can't help but be in awe of the historical significance of the occasion. Not only was it a thrilling experience, but it was also an opportunity that helped me meet some fantastic people and make some great friends along the way.